A little taste of freedom

Well, Strider stepped out to the store to go buy some things.  I promised I wouldn't go anywhere, but I grabbed my computer and Pathed down to a cafe about four or five hours from my house. I feel terrible about it, but I needed to get away for a bit without someone following me.  That's where I've been maybe twenty minutes or so now.  The coffee here is amazing.    

The only thing that concerns me is that the place is almost completely empty, and the woman at the counter kinda reminds me of a Shadow I used to knhyare;uoia;h a;;ua afshd;u


I was told that this would be considerably harder than this.  You'll not see Der Schlüssel again anytime soon.  Glancing over her previous words, I can't help but laugh.  It's such a surprise she didn't recognize me, though I will admit it was not often she saw me outside of my Raven form.  I was her handler, you see.  She was going to be amazing.  My lady Darkness had such plans for her.  With luck, these can still be fulfilled.  I shall be bringing this computer of hers with me.  I do not often have the entertainment of speaking to you pitiful humans.

Derping around

Rose was watching me draw and this happened.
I blame her.  Except for the thing in the corner that you all need to ignore.

Eeep.

Gahhhh I am so sorry guys!
I don't do the whole depressed thing often, but I do want to say that I'm over it now!

I mean, I'm still a tad miffed at Strider.  I mean, honestly, I am a fucking Seeker AND the #1 LoreMaster.  I can take care of myself.  But he means well by it.  I mean, I do understand that I did kinda just almost die.


Um.... On that subject.

I kinda very much underexagerated the extent of my injuries, and I did not describe what happened very well.  I blame the first part on not wanting to worry you guys, and the second on the pain meds.

My original description was here. Now, here's the full version.

I had been out on another one of my stupid-ass hikes.  The ones that I always get attacked on.  You'd think I'd learn not to go on them.  I didn't have my staff with me because my little sister had decided to hide it from me.  I, if you hadn't noticed, am a very unobservant person.  It's far easier to sneak up on me than it should be.  'Sides, I'm fairly certain that these people weren't sneaking.  They probably Pathed/Darked in.  
I remember hearing a giggle, the sound that brought me back to reality.  

I knew I was fucked as soon as I looked up. Darkness was standing directly in front of me, her hands behind her back as she swayed in a supposedly endearing manner.  Which, for her, is fucking terrifying.  Standing behind her were three friends of mine.  Locke, Elena, and Zane.  All three of them had trained with me, and I honestly thought that I knew them.  I guess not.  Glancing around, I could see that I was completely surrounded.  There were Ravens in the trees, some in their bird form, others simply resting on the branches as humans, weapons slung over their shoulders or casually held in their hands.  I recognized most of them, and a few looked a tad guilty.  On the ground were more Shadows, and a large number of Proxies.  All in all, there were maybe fifty of them.  Not counting the birds, of course.  Adding them would bring it up to the hundreds.  

I looked back to Darkness, and I'm pretty sure I had my 'well fuck' face on.  She just grinned and giggled again before the entire crowd rushed at me.  Locke, Elena, and Zane stayed back, closing their eyes and viciously attacked my mental plane while I focused on fighting in the physical world.  

My memory starts getting a little blurry here, but I remember pieces.  A girl thrusting a spear at me as I frantically tried to dodge in the small space before it hit me in the shoulder and I was thrown backward by the weight and the pain.  A large man with a battleaxe trying to cut me through the middle, and me rolling away, escaping with it taking away the flesh of my left side.  Faces.  So many faces.  It's a blur, really. 

It seemed like I was fighting for hours, but it couldn't have been more than a few minutes, really.  By the time that I gave up, the pain was so overwhelming that I couldn't feel anymore.  I guess I just blocked it out.  When they left, I just kinda stood up and half-walked, half-dragged myself home.  I couldn't have been there long before Strider appeared and brought me to the hospital.  

So that's the story.  Fun, huh?



Anyhow, I feel like it's been forever since I really blathered at you lot, so you actually get more.  Because I feel talkative.

I've seen both Father and Darkness lately, though neither of them have come to close.  It may be the walking arsenal that is my boyfriend.  

I.... I'm going to be honest with you guys.  I miss Darkness.  I miss being a Shadow.  It was easy, and.... it was fun.
And now... Every time I see Father.... I want to serve him.  I want to do everything he asks.  Even if what he asks is for me to kill.  

I'm so conflicted.  And confused.  Guys, I've been out of the Runner game since I became a Shadow.  I never went back to being a Runner, I just went from Shadow to Seeker.   

What am I supposed to do?

Should I just quit? Honestly, it's not like I'm part of your elite little runner club anymore. I'm fucking working against Father and he refuses to hurt me. Granted, the group of fifty-something proxies and Shadows kinda goes against that logic, but still. Nothing interesting is going to happen, so do you even want to hear about my life?
I just want to give up. On everything.

Surprise, Surprise

Yep.  You get a second post from me today.  Congrats.

I need to talk

Honestly, I've been thinking about quiting with the blog. The shit that's happening to me is mostly stuff that's shockingly normal. I mean, you guys are our there, fighting Father, falling in love (I STILL SHIP SKYE/TORI), and doing all sorts of other stuff.

Me? I'm a defunct Seeker who is recovering from one hell of a beating and is under constant watch of her boyfriend, barely allowed to go outside.

My side is still bleeding, and I don't know if it will ever stop. The nerve endings in my torso are shot. I'm useless.

Look, I..... I'm tired, okay? Just... So tired.

Back, now deal with it

Well, guess who's back? Yep, got to see the fireworks and all. If you were hoping I died, well, screw you.